Why did I choose my parents

Odd title for this blog, yet that's exactly what just dawned.

Where am I and why the realization now? 

To give a perspective begins with this comment of "why we are drawn to certain paths, roads, detours etc".   I am driving towards The Himalayan Institute which is in Honesdale, Pennsylvania and after six hours of driving in the non stop rain I decide to call it a night.  I am redirected to the Country Inn and Suites in Cortland, NY.  

After a nice hot whirlpool soak I sit by the fireplace.   The calm is overcoming and I begin to feel a wave of tranquility.  

Later in the night I do some past life regression hypnosis with Brian Weiss on his YouTube video.  I have been on this self reflective week long expedition since the Lunar eclipse.   Each night going a little deeper into the past realm. 

So here I am casually walking in for breakfast, past the hour that the girl at the reception mentioned, and lo and behold there is abundance of food.  Eating my fruit and sipping my chai I look out this window and "bing" the answer appears.  

my parents before my birth

The reason why I chose my parents was for who they were, and also because of their extended family which I inherited.  They provided security of family, tribe, and food and shelter.  They securely ground my foundation in this physical realm.  The love and attention of the extended family compensated for not getting sole attention of the parents.  We moved a lot of homes and locations.  My father was in the Air Force and yes I was born in an Air Force base.  Planes, their sounds and their flights were as part of my cellular existence as the sunshine of the tropics.   My fathers colleagues and others became the extended family.  Their children became the "extended siblings", relationships forming for what seemed like a lifetime. 

The security of my existence never questioned.  

Now I move and I relocate at a drop of a hat. Walking or driving, I even choose new routes to discover.  

Education was important and it instilled in me that life is the learning, the lessons.  I developed the curiosity to discover.  

I see this clearly and my own purpose begins to emerge.  Knowing who I am comes from knowing where and why I came to this life, it is what propels me to be and do what I do. 

Who am I is then not the question I grapple.  Instead I am reminded of how effectively I live.  How do I fulfill what is mine to do.   It is this life path.   This is the  purpose.   

A day beyond time and space...

Some time it seems there is no time keeper.  The day unfolds as eyes open, and it closes as eyes shut. 

A continuous flow - energy has opportunity to flow, unbound and unrestricted. 

I walk under trees, through winding paths, buoyant and light. 

A tall sunflower, I see leaves in a tree starting to fray their edges. 

In a food court I grab a tea and a croissant.  Watching people eat. 

I wonder if their thoughts are aligned with each bite.   They look busy.  Probably keeping up with the demands on their physical, mental, and emotional energies.   I see myself in them.  For now I am an observer, removed and distant. 

I slept in the city that never sleeps

Here are some moments captured in this last stay, in the city that keeps drawing me into its fold. 

Leaving NYC again, towards Metropark NJ. To pick up my car and drive to the Himalayan Institute. 

Four Nights in a lifetime can be a lifetime.

I walked with the full super moon, and I wept when I heard that Robin Williams ended his life.  He touched me like his million other fans through the roles he performed.  His family and loved ones will grieve and miss him. I cried thinking of his anguish and pain. It seemed to have left his body and poured out for us to feel.

Writing - Colonial House Inn, NYC

Writing - Colonial House Inn, NYC

This morning I sat with my breakfast and watched people, walking on the sidewalk, opening and closing their umbrellas, some with a hurried look on their face, some alone and some with others.  

I turned my gaze towards the room to look at fellow guests, some eating breakfast, a few conversations, some reading, some silent, within the background noise of the television.  I wondered in that moment, what would it be like if I wrote a story, sitting by this window, and looked at the world inside and outside of me.  Instead of traveling physically to places, what if sat by a window and wrote a story watching the faces of people passing by.  Time would pass, new faces will come along, some old ones will look new, and the passage of time will be picked up in the changing of the landscape. The  trees will change the color of the leaves, falling leaves will be drifting by (song plays in my head), rain will turn to freezing and then to flakes.  The softness of falling snow, its accumulation in a blizzard, people bundled up, shoulders hunching to keep warm.  Faces will change, hidden behind toques and ear muffs, scarves and boots, coats and jacket.  Layers of protection.  

Soon the weather will begin to change.  Faces emerge as layers shed.  Warmth of the sun rays will begin to reach into the hearts, bursting into smiles.  A lightness will begin to emerge.  Blossoms on the trees will decorate the paths, their fragrance and colors will fill the air.  The bare limbs will be adorned with leaves in turn the human limbs will begin to bare.  Babies will be walking, and walkers will be running.  Stroller pushers might become wheelchair pushers.

The continuous movement of life, I will see through my eyes, my filters, I will create a story with perceptions and create a reality, around those I observe.  Some will be fleeting comments and some in-depth reflections.   I will begin to emerge in each persons story.

In NYC...

Wondering what to do with the three days between New Jersey and the Himalayan Institute which is my next destination.  NYC kept calling.  I came here on the train from Metropark in NJ.   The train moved at a snail pace which allowed me to keep glancing out of the window, I was feeling very tired and felt the energy of the full super moon,  my traveling companion.

Here I am at the Colonial House Inn, in Chelsea.  It really really feels like a home.  Manifesting at the opportunity or maybe a possibility to come and stay here for longer periods of time.  I am told by front desk that January to March are the slow months hence better rate.  Winter time in NYC?  If its in my bucket list, then I guess it will happen.

Meanwhile the next few days will be a "revelation" time.  That is the theme of this trip.

Rooftop at Colonial House Inn

View of NYC fire escape 

Lower East Village, LES

Source and clarity...

I see a speck moving on the glass table.  It's in the shape of a plane.  My next response, look up and far in the distance, against the sky, is the airplane. 

I think of someone, I wonder is the thought energy similar to seeing the reflection of the airplane?  Where did the "thought" or the energy of thinking of this person originate?  

Then again where lies the source of our thoughts.  Where are the deep seated impressions guiding the present actions? 

Just having a moment of awareness sometimes makes the difference between drowning in the emotions versus handling the feelings, the thoughts, the issue, or situation at hand.   Somehow that awareness gives the ability to navigate through life.  

With all it's ups and downs, trials and tribulations, challenges and successes, tears and laughter, the agony and ecstasy, the finding and loosing, we want to live.  We want the hug, smile and see the other smile, a warm bed to sleep, and a full belly.  

We want to see ourselves in the story of life.  The story we continue to tell ourselves and live or choose to live, and/or in writing our own.  For reasons unknown I seem to gravitate towards living my story.  Perceptions I have, I question.   Less challenging to deal with are my perceptions, and I have learned the futility of attempting to change the perceptions of others.   Only by being honest and clear of my intentions can I hope that my actions will align.   The alignment is the light that helps in relating, a challenge that each of  faces and attempts to overcome.  

When do we decide to walk away and when do we know it is time to stay grounded and work through the issue or conflict.   The answer comes if we can agree to give space and time to talk, to communicate to hear the other, accept or admit and be willing to say "I am wrong",  and believe that a resolution is possible.  Respecting the right to agree or to disagree.  The resolution does not necessarily equate with a 'status quo' desired by one, another outcome has to emerge.    

Changing the perspective is like seeing the plane in the sky as the source, the reflection is only a pointer, a trigger. 

When intention and action align, clarity reigns. 

Touching the sky

A mellowness,

Energy that is still. 

I am deep in  a cave,

Or is this the depth of an ocean?

The air is still,

Muted voices reach my ears. 

Enough light to light the path. 

I can see easily where I am going. 

All senses balanced, 

I find a hush within. 

Nothing to tug at the heart strings

No conflicts.

I am floating, a sense yet not a sense.

The calm after the storm,

The storm has passed.  

The damage?

Not worth the consideration.  

I am numb with ecstasy,

I survived!

South Brooklyn

 

A day so perfect that I feel an immense sense of lightness, a flow fills all the spaces in and around me. 

The yoga this morning felt the same. I moved with energy that allowed the breathing to become slower, deeper and quieter.  The breath accessing each cell.   The energy of the new moon so fresh.  

Standing in Samastiti.  I wondered, how physical movement allows the mental and emotional energy to get "unstuck" the perspective shifts.  

Thoughts become a little more clear. A space is found, a sense of freedom prevails. 

As I write these words and look up a butterfly flutters on the plants.  It hovers over the lavender, flys towards me, teases me with its proximity and flys away. 

I am sitting outside Smith Canteen.  At the corner of Carroll and Smith.  The train stop is Carroll station accessible by F train.   This is referred to as South Brooklyn.  

Somewhere behind me, probably from the speakers of the coffee shop, soft music plays on.  I look at my freshly pedicured feet.  The color I bought from Whole Foods "glint of mint", is free of formaldehyde and other chemicals which I am thinking other brands of nail polish have.  

Freedom...Flight...Found...Feelings

Impromptu late evening walk in the city

This is my city, with much pride, I call it my city-Toronto. 

This evening was a lazy one.  At 6 pm no one could have gotten me out of bed.  Yet at 9:30, I pulled my pants on took my keys and phone and headed out. 

Secure and aware of attachments I decided to take no money not even a change and no tokens.   Normally I would not be found leaving home without some change a bill in my pocket and a transport token, "just in case".  

Jupiter aligns with Saturn

Jupiter is optimism, Saturn the practical.  

Jupiter is the celestial body associated with the Ajna chakra, our third eye where intuition resides.  The pineal gland, and where we tune into our seat of meditation. A space where we find Dhyana.  

Optimism for me is also to see life, situations as they are happening.  Without associated fear or drama to them we are in the moment to do what needs to be done.  To accept and go past the obstacles caused by our thoughts.  Maybe to begin to see another perspective.  Maybe to change our view of life, change our reality.  

Saturn the celestial body rules the root chakra, the Muladhara.  Makes us feel safe and grounded.  Knowing we have food, shelter, the ability for self preservation, to pro-create or co-create our life.   Our fight or flight response begins to calm down, we feel safe. In the home within, where we are is reassuring. 

Thinking of this alignment of the two celestial bodies, where the practical aligns with the optimist.   Feeling reassured that the planets are reflecting me and vice versa. 

Prayer Is The Cry Of A Soul ~Sri Ravi Shankar~

"We often hear people say that behind every successful man is a woman. I will modify this by saying, behind every success, there is the Divine, saying, "I am behind you". The Divine dawns in you when you pray for Grace; when you cry for it.

Prayer is a vital tool to improve your life. What you can do, do it. What you cannot do, pray for it! When you feel the obstacle is too much to handle, deep prayer can work miracles. Whatever you do, know that a higher power has the final say and you can tap that power through your prayers.

You don't need any special qualifications or abilities to pray. Whether a fool or a wise person, rich or poor, anybody can pray. Prayer doesn't mean just sitting and chanting some words. It's about being in that serene, calm, meditative state. That is why, in vedic tradition, dhyana, meditation, is done before prayer as well as afterwards. When the mind is focused, prayer becomes far more powerful.

Prayer is the cry of a soul. To whom you pray is not so important. Whereas religion puts words to the prayer, and adds symbols and rituals to it, prayer itself transcends them. It happens at the subtle level of feelings; feelings transcend words and religion. The act of praying itself has the power to bring transformation.

When you pray there should be total involvement. If the mind is preoccupied elsewhere then that is no prayer at all. When there is pain, there is more involvement. That's why people turn to prayer when they are in pain. Prayer happens when you feel grateful or when you feel utterly helpless. In either case your prayers will be answered. When you feel helpless, prayer happens by itself. That's why in Hindi we say 'Nirbal toh Balram'. If you are weak, God is with you. Prayer is that moment when you get in touch with your limitations, your boundaries.

Usually when you love something, you want to possess it and you pray for it. True prayer, however, is just the opposite of wanting to possess. It's about honouring and offering everything to the Divine. Honouring brings devotion and leads to surrender. Devotion heals.

True prayer can't happen without devotion and faith. Having faith is to realise that God's protection is there for you. Devotion is inner flowering; it starts from where you are. Unless you are lit in devotion to the Divine, your life will remain restless. In devotion, longing will arise in you and true prayer happens by itself.

Be sincere in your prayers. Do not try to outsmart the Divine. What type of time do you give the Divine? Usually you give time that is leftover; when you have nothing else to do, no guests to attend to, no parties to go to, then you go to the Divine. This is not quality time. Give prime time to the Divine. You will definitely be rewarded. If your prayers are not answered, it is because you have never given quality time.

There are four types of people who go to God -- first, those who seek the truth (knowledge and freedom); second, the wise ones (gyanis); third, the ones who seek material comforts (wealth) and fourth, ones who are in misery. The wise one does not pray for something. His life itself is a prayer.

If at all you have to pray for something, pray for happiness of all the people in the world. 

"Loka Samastha Sukhinou Bhavantu"-- May everybody be happy."

I write my story...

Before writing, which is through living that story called life, where does one begin.

For me it seems to be by seeing, with honesty, without any mask of right or wrong, what each interaction, comment and encounter brings up.

In that seeing many layers of "old" stories emerge.  It emerges by my noticing that it is after all a story created by parents, families, societies, cultures, nations and so on.  

Its not about discarding the lives and thoughts passed down through traditions, it is just seeing it.

As myself, as others, souls live in third dimension bodies of time and space, or do they?

What happens after, this is the logical mind grasping.  Each question is not followed by an answer, the answer can be unto itself.

How many lifetimes and how many "lessons" from life does it take to see those stories, once again is not where I dwell.

The seeing is in the present, its what i am doing or being in any moment.  Those moments and that present begins to live and weave its own story.

A fabric of life, each sutra or thread is the moments.  And I wonder can each sutra become the one light, seeing beyond the spectrum of the rainbow.

My friend and soulmate

Desire and the yearning to fulfill those desires propels, inspires and gives the heart the fuel to move.  The energy produced by each thought that supports the feeling and the desire, is what keeps the spirit alive. Otherwise we are only a walking skeleton, a facade or a mask.  Living the life only by repeating the stories we have heard.  Defining and expressing oneself through only the physical world.   

The passion of living life fully in each moment comes with the feelings created when we "desire".

Surely any desire has an outcome or goal "attached" to it.  When the outcome or the goal is not met, what then?  How does one deal with the disappointment or the un met outcome and its "attachment"?

Is it possible to have a desire without any attachment?  

If one is able to trace the desire to its origin, the thoughts that started the desire the associated feelings, then the outcome or rather the attachment to the outcome starts to lessen.   Feelings and their source become clear allowing one to not only be able to feel the feeling but somehow know why and what we are feeling.  

Somewhere in this introspection or contemplation the awareness of the impermanence of life becomes clear.  

We start to appreciate each moment knowing that it's all in the passing.  The feelings become clear, the passions driving our desires become a moving flow.   We begin to tend to the roots of our own feelings.  We become sensitive to how the other person feels.  Seeing who I am, with my conditionings and my stories and accepting that allows me to stop the inner turmoil and conflict.  A compassionate way of being becomes the peaceful identity.  

We befriend ourself and become our own soulmate.

To bring what is called happiness and joy to our life and the lives of those we touch. 

Reminds me of a saying that one can begin to apply, towards oneself first, and to all those thoughts that we think and say in each moment. 

"Let each word pass through three gates, what I am saying is it: true, necessary, and is it kind." ~Sufi saying~

Thoughts a collection of ideas

Jan 7, 2014 10:58 pm (Rancho Margot, Costa Rica)
Is the answer always to a question; or is the question itself the answer. 

Jan 25, 2014 5:25 pm (Rancho Margot, Costa Rica):
A knowing which happens in void in silence!

Feb 2, 2014 4:05 pm (Rancho Margot, Costa Rica):
The falling rain and the calm within. 

Soft sounds and a silence, both are the happenings, in this moment. 

My timeless heart feels this. Each heartbeat carries the nothingness and a thought. 

The unbound energy, no time can restrain its travel.

Feb 6, 2014 8:54 am (Rancho Margot, Costa Rica):

Thought from looking at the Mandela I colored this morning: 

Once the heart centre is full, what else is there left to color?   

Feb 7, 2014 6:15 am (Rancho Margot, Costa Rica):
Dark allows the light to shine.

If you are dark and I the light.

No separation. 

A new dawn...2014

Live my life.  Each moment unfolds. 

Make a story with abundance of peace, joy, love and intimacy in each moment. 

Another person lives their story, the conscious and unconscious masks that they wear.   Let it be.  It's their life to live. Their story to tell.  Sometimes I am a part of their story as they are a part of mine, only sometimes. 

And feel, allow feelings to be felt.  Take time to stay with the feelings and make courage to let them go, without attaching a story to them.  A story when attached to feelings turns into an emotional drama.  It's not needed, it obstructs the flow of life.