I don't need to see my name in neon lights. I don't need to be on stage waving at a cheering crowd. There is no one who is able to give me the acceptance of who I am. I do what brings me joy. When I am able to help another it is because there is space in my time and the capacity to help. If I cannot I am able to walk away without carrying any guilt.
When someone helps me there is immense gratitude for them having taken the time and energy to be there for me. Does it guarantee that I will be there for them? This is the toughest expectation not to live up to. Just as it's reverse is when I have helped someone and they cannot be there when I am in need. Maybe someone else will, that is the concept of 'paying it forward'.
The expectations we put on ourselves and others on us, don't come from a negative place. The consequences are negative. The burden we carry when we cannot live up to them. And also when we have lived up to them, it comes with another kind of burden.
Much unraveling, and by opening layers of conditionings, sometimes reveal to us the real reason behind certain actions and behaviours. Even so with all that is revealed 'staring in our face' we don't see or we look away because the honesty is too strong.
This log started off in my mind as I was reviewing reasons why I was holding on to a concept that I labelled a "dream". The reality that showed itself as I lie in bed recovering from a bout of flu was stark. I realized that a part of me wanted the dream to keep a hold onto my passing years. "I can still do it, while I have the energy", is what I told myself. Maybe it was to give myself a reason to stay put in one place. It could also be my unaware ego saying how much I have to offer this world.
Then the realization that the center or physical space is not the answer. Each person has their own journey. An encounter with them through a yoga practice or a chance conversation can only guide them back to them-self the center that lies within.
For myself do I really need any reason to justify where I want to live, how I want to live and what I do with my time? All these are reasons to support the physical life. A job or a business to provide the income to support oneself and the dependants. And time and passing years, nothing can hold back, its just the moments we get to cherish.
For now I am enough!